Bus rapid transit lanes on Rockville Pike, Marriott’s much-anticipated relocation plans and the Purple Line have all been subjects of April Fools’ stories today.
Real estate news site Bisnow sent out its April Fools’ effort Wednesday morning, in the form of a satirical breaking news story in which the governments of Maryland and Virginia agreed to literally split the new Marriott International headquarters by placing it on a platform above the American Legion Bridge:
In a stunning development this morning, years before it was expected, Marriott International CEO Arne Sorenson announced that the world’s largest hotel brand will undertake an extraordinary move of its corporate headquarters to the center of American Legion Bridge by 2022, to be built on an unprecedented platform constructed above Interstate 495 at a cost estimated to exceed $3B, which will be paid by the states of Virginiaand Maryland. The announcement was hailed by Washington Board of Trade president Jim Dinegar as “a victory for regionalism and practical problem-solving.”
It wouldn’t be an April Fools’ Day without similar stories about the long-debated Purple Line.
Pro-Purple Line website Greater Greater Washington started things off with a piece on how the Town of Chevy Chase will add a tiny amphipod to its town seal.
Some anti-Purple Line residents of the Town have sued the state and federal governments, claiming officials planning the light rail didn’t do enough to protect the endangered shrimp-like creature that has yet to be found in local streams.
In the story, the amphipod cannot be seen on the new seal:
As a nod to the amphipod’s translucence, the amphipod on the town seal will be rendered with clear paint. “The amphipod is so delicate and light-reflective, you can look directly at one and it’s as if it isn’t even there,” says biologist Dee Forestation. “It truly is a sight to behold.”
David Lublin, blogger at The Seventh State and a former Town of Chevy Chase Council member, soon followed with his own Purple Line-related piece, claiming Gov. Larry Hogan has approved the project with no seats, walls or ceilings to save costs.
He made up a fake quote from Purple Line advocate and Town of Chevy Chase nemesis Ben Ross in the process:
Hogan’s decision to simplify cars was hailed by former Action Committee for Transit President Ben Ross:
This new design is in touch with the simplified lifestyle preferred by Millennials. Let’s face it: seats are emblematic of the bourgeois Lexus lifestyle. I’m glad that Maryland and Montgomery County have said “yes” to our smart growth future by embracing open plan light-rail.
Our pick for best April Fools’ story involving a local issue goes to City of Rockville Councilmember Tom Moore, who put out a new take on “multi-modal planning” for Rockville Pike:
What is a truly multi-modal boulevard? A multi-modal boulevard is sometimes thought of as one that provides capacity for vehicle traffic, mass transit, bicyclists, and pedestrians. But these are all narrow variations on just one mode of transportation: land. A truly multi-modal boulevard goes one better, paying respect to the 71% of the Earth’s surface that is covered in water (a number that is itself likely to grow over time as polar icecaps continue to melt).
A truly multi-modal boulevard can handle a large volume of relatively fast-moving through-traffic on central travel lanes, slower local vehicular traffic within the same corridor on separate adjacent and parallel roadways, and a wide variety of water-based modes of transport in the middle, ranging from slip & sliding to gondolas to relatively deep-drafting powered watercraft, depending on the depths set by the Department of Public Works.
Not every April Fools’ Day item has to be fake.
La Madeleine (7607 Old Georgetown Road) is offering a free lemon cookie to all customers who give a friendly “Bonne Annee” or “Happy New Year” to any employee.
The tradition dates back to 16th century France, when the king moved the country from the Roman to the Gregorian calendar, meaning the new year was no longer celebrated at the end of March. Some credit the move as the start of the April Fools’ Day concept.
