When my kids were younger, I was mercifully free from school-calendar dependent travel plans. Not anymore, because now we’ve decided we can’t pull them out of school for a week. There’s too much work to make up, and the school doesn’t seem to consider a family trip building sand castles an “educational opportunity” that can result in an excused (vs. unexcused) absence.
The first time we traveled during an actual Spring Break holiday was a bit of a shock. First, to the pocketbook—one week later would have been half the price, I do not exaggerate. But we also paid in terms of the overall experience. There is nothing quite like an otherwise stunning beach teeming with people, and hour-long waits for dinner out, to turn you off to the idea of travel at this time of year. It really doesn’t matter where you go, if it’s warm, you will have lots of company. But based on what happened on our first Spring Break trip, I can offer the following advice:
Do not, under any circumstances, fly into or out of the Cancun airport during Spring Break. Duh, right? It’s only the center of the college student Spring Break universe. However, it also happens to be a travel hub for some important parts of Mexico, a country with a rich culture best experienced outside of Señor Frog’s. On arrival, we had a two-plus hour drive from Cancun to our vacation spot, and the further we got from Cancun, the more we were (thankfully) able to forget the crowds and chaos of that airport.
If you do not follow my advice, and you still must fly out of Cancun, when you are on your way back to the airport, DO NOT pay attention to the police who are trying to stop you mere yards from the airport exit sign. They do not have your best interests at heart. Instead, pretend that in the U.S. that flashing light just indicates a friendly greeting. All over the world, it never hurts to play dumb American when necessary. It’s true often enough that it’s universally convincing. So, if you are followed by the police on your way to the airport, lead them on a low-speed chase all the way to the rental-car return. They will not want to wait in that long line with you. If you feel that you MUST stop for them, do not assume that they are merely going to thank you for your visit. Even though you are likely not doing anything wrong, rest assured they will find something. Thus my other piece of advice to you: A second wallet, with $20 in it. So that you can say to the officer, when he gives you the option of going into town to the station to pay the fine for [whatever you were not actually doing wrong], OR—your lucky day!—to pay a lower fine in cash right then and there, this “lower” fine being in the neighborhood of $100—you can take out your wallet and say, "This is all I’ve got." And they will take it. Or, you can pay what they ask and consider it the cost of doing business. In all the times I’ve been to Mexico, I had this experience only once—and that was the only time I was there during Spring Break. Then, at the rental car return, we got to hear about the four people ahead of us in line who were stopped by the police at the same spot and hit up in the same way.
Finally, this warning: Your gate number will change four times. Each new gate will be in a different part of the terminal, so don’t get too comfortable. Once you are assigned a gate, if you find yourself seated for an interminable wait there, DO NOT, I repeat, NOT sit by the frat boys who are wearing sunglasses indoors. Unless you enjoy watching people eat meatball subs without napkins, and you find that their colorful language provides some welcome entertainment for your children. One of these guys will end up sitting next to you on the plane, and he will need the air-sick bag. And then he will fall asleep and snore inches from your ear, while sweating out last night’s tequila shots.
On the other hand, maybe this won’t happen to you. Maybe you also won’t get sick suddenly on the drive back to the airport, stop at a gas station, and find that you do not have the peso coin needed to enter the stall. Trust me, THERE IS NO TIME FOR THAT.
Hypothetically speaking.
I don’t mean to pick on Mexico; I’ve had many other enjoyable trips there. It just happened to be where I had my first Spring Break experience. There were others that followed in other locales, and the most noticeable commonality is that the crowds this time of year tend to hide the qualities that make a place interesting to begin with.
Once you’ve experienced the glory of Spring Break travel, no one will blame you if you decide to either stay home, or throw all caution to the wind and pull your kids out of school to travel during a different week.
Coming up: Staying home instead? Consider the joys of the “stay-cation,” in spite of the annoying word for it.
For more from Paula Whyman, see www.paulawhyman.com and her online parody newspaper www.bethesdaworldnews.com.
